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My boyfriends a Porn star and a shit bag. by Toritiara - August 24th, 2010 01:55:18 AM
Yeah, pretty self explanatory. At first it was exciting, yes he was good in bed, yes hes hung like a moose, but when I actually thought about it it started to just piss me off. He shows absolutely no emotion during sex, its a recreational sport to him (hes admitted it). And its not like he does normal hardcore porn, no, he doesnt go out and fuck other chicks for a living (I wouldnt date him.) he does soft-core semi- what I can only describe as gay porn. Oh yeah, do you know how fucking pissed I was when I didnt get laid because he had to naked-wrestle a guy named Polly? Really, really, pissed. And now whenever he tells me about random chicks hitting on him I cant help but snap. Its like, "Oh great, THOUSANDS of men and woman jerk off to you nightly AND THAT FUCKING WHORE AT THE FOOD LION SAID YOU WHERE CUTE?!?" I know its insane and bitchy, yes I know, but I have to share him with enough people as it is. And he doesnt understand, but think, when you get naked with your significant other dont you think "Wow, how lucky am I that only I get to see this wonderful person in the nude?" (unless your dating a cheater, or a porn star like me.) Well, I dont get to think that I think, "Damn, I can see why you get paid to jerk-off, your hot and all, but I feel like I should leave money on your dashboard when I leave this mini-van because you preformed for me." So I had to forget the fact im a hopeless romantic and detach myself emotionally from all sexual endeavors.

BUT WAIT THERES MORE. Hes also a druggie and and alcoholic (cant complain though, I am too.) But whens hes all boozed up he loves to get down on one knee and propose to me, kissing my hand "Baby I feel like a fool because I dont have a ring, but will you be my wife?" And me? Well before him I was sweet and innocent, hes only the second guy I have ever dated, the third I've ever slept with (I was sexually active until I was 17, I started late.) So I blush and giggle and think hes serious because booze makes me feel like Jesus Christ himself, and say "Yes, what took you so long?" And then after that on the very same night he goes, "I know we're young and all, but I would really love to have a kid with you." And im twice as drunk as I was when he proposed, so of course I go, "I would love to have your babies, baby." So we get it on and I think, 'Hey im crazy about this guy, hes my fiancÚ now, we're making a baby, let me be nice and blow his mind by pulling some new tricks.' and by new tricks, yes, I mean anal. And it was a sweet, emotional, wild night . And I woke up in the morning thinking I was engaged and going to have a baby with the most wonderful man on earth. But then I find out this little shit-bag told all his friends I now take it in the ass, and they're now having a heated debate on weather I go ass to mouth or not. SO WHY IM PISSED: He took a very sweet and emotional night of my life, and turned it into nothing but anal sex. (Btw, you never go ass to mouth)

AND YOU THINK THATS ALL? That was just one night of a week long drunk fest, for the next couple days every time we got shitfaced we decided we really wanted a baby, and on the last day he touched my stomach and smiled, "Think of names, baby." and we both had this really stupid smile on our faces. And for the next two days I stayed home and slept off the drunk fest, smiling in my sleep because I loved this man, I loved our kid, I thought of names, hoped he had his freckles, and his eyes, but my complexion and hair. I was in love with this unborn child, so when I see him on the third day, I take his hand and place it on my stomach and smile, and the fucker goes, "Im not sure I want a baby right now, but if you are I'll be there." WELL FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, IF YOU DIDNT WANT A KID, YOU SHOULDN'T OF CAME INSIDE ME FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND GOD DAMN YOU. So I call him an emotionless fucker, and not to worry because im perfectly capable of becoming an emotionless fucker just like him. Ill go home, fall down stairs, and drink my weight in smirnoff because I am as an emotionless little shit as he is. He even came in me sober, claiming he wanted my kid, and the only thing he has to say is "I have a conflicting personality, you know this." Well, thankfully a week later I had a wonderful negative pregnancy test (guess the porn-star shit-bag has unloaded so many loads hes shooting blanks at this point.)

Boo, whore.

 sighmeupforthat - February 28th, 2016 07:28:35 PM
why us all the time?
 Voiceofreason - July 19th, 2013 09:07:53 AM
Everyone concerned needs therapy. Thank goodness there was no child born into such a horrible situation. If this is for real, that is. It sounds so outrageous, it is hard to believe. Do people really behave this way? Or is this some kind of sick joke?
 Wadezor - August 17th, 2012 08:52:12 AM
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... wow thats some funny shit! well ive recently turned into an asshole myself so this shits funny...but otherwise the nice me would have felt bad for you...
 lolwat? - August 27th, 2010 06:14:22 PM
I was pretty much speechless because I was laughing too much, I guess the most I can do is agree that this is an epic win.
 BrittanyJo - August 27th, 2010 11:59:25 AM got nothin to say to that one...
 Josh - August 26th, 2010 12:35:47 PM
Pure win... I love it.
 Deb - August 26th, 2010 10:21:39 AM
Seems to me he's caught between trying to be mature and grow up (wife, family, etc) but then on the other hand still trying to be a kid/teen and hang with the buds.. give them the 411 on the bedroom & g/f sex scoop, and share all the stuff he thinks would earn him cool points. Hope he wakes up w/o you beside him one day and realizes what he coulda had and messed it up.
 AsphyxiA - August 26th, 2010 02:06:54 AM
lol thats from the movie Clerks 2, awesome reference too!
 God - August 25th, 2010 09:07:04 PM
Oh dear, I must be pretty screwed up, the part that stuck out the most was "(Btw, you never go ass to mouth) "..

 BolognaPony - August 25th, 2010 06:21:40 AM
LMAO...i cant see how you would have a girl like you then want to wrestle naked and giggle playing with another dudes dick! can someone say WTFF?!? saying bi to me only fits girls..if you a guy sucking dick hes fucking gay whether he likes woman or I swear i feel bad for you get a man... *checks myself gawd hung like a moose..making me feel bad edit that and say mouse make us straight guys feel better!! fucking mooses are HUGE damn it.. =S Anyways nice post loved it i laughed my ass off!!!
 AsphyxiA - August 25th, 2010 05:50:52 AM
PS: I absolutely love the Clerks 2 reference lmao..
 eXyLe - August 25th, 2010 12:01:49 AM
LOL I agree with Asphyxia, this is by far the best rant I've seen yet. I really think these guys need to add an 'EPIC WIN!' button! You just made my night :)
 AsphyxiA - August 24th, 2010 11:26:48 PM
This is definitely one of the best rants I have ever seen. While I feel bad for you, I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard. lmao.. I'd say you should play the field a little more and find someone else, that guy sounds like a total douche.

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